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The following letter written in 2010.
Subject: Re: conclusion from college of physicians and surgeons
Hi Charmaine,
I just got back from up North, which was pretty exhausting. I've been reading all your emails, and I think I must have missed something - what do you mean "conclusion from college of physicians and surgeons". Did you get some final response to one of your complaints or something?
I did see that you sent an email to Brian. Why? Every time you contact him, aren't you liable to set off something unpleasant, either in terms of what he could do, or in terms of what other people could conclude from your contacting him,
Most of your emails seem to be reacting to something, but I'm not understanding what exactly has happened. Did you forget to send me something, or maybe it vanished into email outerspace as they sometimes do? Without knowing what you're reacting to, I'm not quite sure what's going on right now. which he can prove by showing your email?
It's obvious something's been going on, but not knowing what it is, I'm a little unsure . However, your thinking seems much clearer and more detailed, and therefore more powerful. It looks like you're dealing with a whole lot of really disturbing past (and present) events, and that having to go through all that is both pissing you off (which is totally normal,), and really enlightening you as to what exactly happened and how these events combined to impact your life in such unfortunate ways.
It's truly horrible that you had to go through all those things, that the inept and uncaring "professionals" you went to for help only made things so much worse. Also that now, instead of looking at what happened to you and trying to learn something about how things went wrong so they could possibly not make those mistakes in the future, they seem to be only concerned with doing whatever is necessary to cover their pathetic hindquarters in order to keep their jobs and maintain their unearned self-esteem and community respect.
It's sad to see that among all those who contributed to the systemic abuse you endured, there doesn't seem to be even one - amazing, not even one - who has the humanity to admit that they may have been mistaken and that they are sorry for the negative impact on your life. It's almost as if they don't consider you to be a human being, as if you're essentially different in some way from themselves. Possibly they're afraid of lawsuits or of being publicly exposed as incompetent or worse, corrupt, but they have set out into a field of work to help people, and if they can see that they have contributed to harming someone, ethical considerations dictate that they try in some way to alleviate that. I'm not talking about money here, as I have no way of assessing that, but about trying to in some way offer you help, if in no other way than apologizing for misunderstanding and mistreating you, or for not caring enough to follow up when they knew things weren't
going right for you and that they had contributed in some way to that bad outcome.
Even if one of them just told you verbally (so you couldn't use it in a lawsuit) something like "look, they didn't have anyone else to do this job, and I was interested and they offered it to me, and I thought I could help people, but in your case, I just wasn't experienced enough and unfortunately didn't think to bring in someone with more expertise, and I'm sorry for that", at least it would indicate some humanity. All of them probably have some mentor or therapist or past teacher or someone who they could contact to help them figure out what they could do for you, if they were motivated to do so, but it appears they are mired in complacency and content with their misuse of their positions in your case. It is a very scary and sad example of laziness, lack of professionalism and really, just plain stupidity and lack of human concern.
Having been with my ex-husband, Phil (who was a licensed MFCC with a masters in psychology and notable successes within his practice) for almost 14 years, at a time when (I just counted, trying to remember) over a dozen of our closest friends either were or had been licensed and practicing psychology professionals, either with MDs, PhDs or MFCC and Masters degrees, it makes me almost physically sick to think of what you went through and are still going through without any decent human in the field actually going out of their way to try to help you. I wish I was one of them so I could apologize to you on behalf of the profession, but since I'm just another lay person (who's been through years of therapy myself and lived through all those years participating in discussions about all aspects of the profession with all those professionals, and read most of the books they have), I can only tell you I'm so sorry that you have met up with some of the worst
examples of human beings who practice in that field, and hope you will continue to make the discoveries you need to come to terms in your own way with what happened and that you'll be able to make peace with it all and move on from it so you can finally start living your own life.
Charmaine, among our friends in that profession, none of them were
beginners. All except one had had a previous career before getting into
the field of psychology. Several were MDs, one was a famous actor, one
a soap opera star, one a dancer and choreographer (on Broadway), one a
sociologist (even now a tenured professor at one of the UC
universities), one now has a practice in Beverly Hills where some of her
patients fly in regularly to see her from other countries, and they
were all the kind of seriously ethical and caring people who you could
trust with your life. I cannot speak for them, but I will tell you that
I spent so much time talking with them about so many related issues,
that I would be profoundly surprised if they weren't all as disgusted by
the treatment you've received as I am. Not that that is any
consolation to you, but I wish you could believe that there are
competent and caring people in that field, although I admit evidence in
your area would not lead to that conclusion.
I don't see what you can do except get out of there. I know it's going to be difficult, with all the idiocy of the related police and town (culvert, etc.) issues, but I think you've been through so much already, and come out of it so much stronger than most people ever become (possibly luckily for them), that you will find a way to do it.
Having to deal with the two crazy men next door sounds incredibly scary, particularly with the police seemingly actively encouraging them. I really don't know how to deal with that, unless you're able to access lawyers, attorney generals (or whatever is the Canadian equivalent), or the media, but if you can manage to keep your head down, avoid those two cretins, and keep from reacting to them, hopefully someone will want to buy your place, and you can get out of there. It's a really beautiful view, I see from one of your emails that someone there really admires your garden, and the house, however damaged, probably still has "good bones", so I can't imagine that you wouldn't be able to sell it, even if you have to do it on your own.
Google "selling your own home" and see that there a many sites/books etc. giving information about selling your own home. I would be careful about using a local real estate person, given how prejudiced many of the people in town seem to be about you, and if one of them says they will help you without commission MAKE SURE TO GET THAT IN WRITING, and send it to me before you sign it if you don't have a lawyer to look at it. I've done a lot of work dealing with legal verbiage, and at least I could offer you another perspective.
I know this is tough, Charmaine, and it must be unsettling for you to think of leaving the only "home" you've ever known to strike out into the unknown. Many, if not most people, would not be strong enough to do that, but I know you can do it. PLEASE don't allow the uncertain part of yourself to sabotage your plans by giving in to the great temptation to say or do something to those zombies next door that would give them any ammunition with which to create trouble. Yes, I know they can just make stuff up, but you know they can do a much better job if they can just trick you into saying or doing the most innocuous thing that they can use. I can't imagine how hard it is, really, but I know you have to do it and I know you can do it. Just don't think you can go on doing it forever. Everyone makes mistakes when they're not focused and you can't possibly be focused all the time forever. Get out of there as soon as you can, before something else happens
to complicate things.
At least the weather's improving, and I hope you're having some beautiful late Spring days and that summer will be a lovely and non-smokey one. I wish you much, much luck, and hope things will start looking up soon. I'm sure they will - you have a lot of energy, can be positive when you need to be, and seem to be getting better at ignoring the loons next door. Keep it up!
Love, M*
Subject: Re: conclusion from college of physicians and surgeons
Hi Charmaine,
I just got back from up North, which was pretty exhausting. I've been reading all your emails, and I think I must have missed something - what do you mean "conclusion from college of physicians and surgeons". Did you get some final response to one of your complaints or something?
I did see that you sent an email to Brian. Why? Every time you contact him, aren't you liable to set off something unpleasant, either in terms of what he could do, or in terms of what other people could conclude from your contacting him,
Most of your emails seem to be reacting to something, but I'm not understanding what exactly has happened. Did you forget to send me something, or maybe it vanished into email outerspace as they sometimes do? Without knowing what you're reacting to, I'm not quite sure what's going on right now. which he can prove by showing your email?
It's obvious something's been going on, but not knowing what it is, I'm a little unsure . However, your thinking seems much clearer and more detailed, and therefore more powerful. It looks like you're dealing with a whole lot of really disturbing past (and present) events, and that having to go through all that is both pissing you off (which is totally normal,), and really enlightening you as to what exactly happened and how these events combined to impact your life in such unfortunate ways.
It's truly horrible that you had to go through all those things, that the inept and uncaring "professionals" you went to for help only made things so much worse. Also that now, instead of looking at what happened to you and trying to learn something about how things went wrong so they could possibly not make those mistakes in the future, they seem to be only concerned with doing whatever is necessary to cover their pathetic hindquarters in order to keep their jobs and maintain their unearned self-esteem and community respect.
It's sad to see that among all those who contributed to the systemic abuse you endured, there doesn't seem to be even one - amazing, not even one - who has the humanity to admit that they may have been mistaken and that they are sorry for the negative impact on your life. It's almost as if they don't consider you to be a human being, as if you're essentially different in some way from themselves. Possibly they're afraid of lawsuits or of being publicly exposed as incompetent or worse, corrupt, but they have set out into a field of work to help people, and if they can see that they have contributed to harming someone, ethical considerations dictate that they try in some way to alleviate that. I'm not talking about money here, as I have no way of assessing that, but about trying to in some way offer you help, if in no other way than apologizing for misunderstanding and mistreating you, or for not caring enough to follow up when they knew things weren't
going right for you and that they had contributed in some way to that bad outcome.
Even if one of them just told you verbally (so you couldn't use it in a lawsuit) something like "look, they didn't have anyone else to do this job, and I was interested and they offered it to me, and I thought I could help people, but in your case, I just wasn't experienced enough and unfortunately didn't think to bring in someone with more expertise, and I'm sorry for that", at least it would indicate some humanity. All of them probably have some mentor or therapist or past teacher or someone who they could contact to help them figure out what they could do for you, if they were motivated to do so, but it appears they are mired in complacency and content with their misuse of their positions in your case. It is a very scary and sad example of laziness, lack of professionalism and really, just plain stupidity and lack of human concern.
Having been with my ex-husband, Phil (who was a licensed MFCC with a masters in psychology and notable successes within his practice) for almost 14 years, at a time when (I just counted, trying to remember) over a dozen of our closest friends either were or had been licensed and practicing psychology professionals, either with MDs, PhDs or MFCC and Masters degrees, it makes me almost physically sick to think of what you went through and are still going through without any decent human in the field actually going out of their way to try to help you. I wish I was one of them so I could apologize to you on behalf of the profession, but since I'm just another lay person (who's been through years of therapy myself and lived through all those years participating in discussions about all aspects of the profession with all those professionals, and read most of the books they have), I can only tell you I'm so sorry that you have met up with some of the worst
examples of human beings who practice in that field, and hope you will continue to make the discoveries you need to come to terms in your own way with what happened and that you'll be able to make peace with it all and move on from it so you can finally start living your own life.
Charmaine, among our friends in that profession, none of them were
beginners. All except one had had a previous career before getting into
the field of psychology. Several were MDs, one was a famous actor, one
a soap opera star, one a dancer and choreographer (on Broadway), one a
sociologist (even now a tenured professor at one of the UC
universities), one now has a practice in Beverly Hills where some of her
patients fly in regularly to see her from other countries, and they
were all the kind of seriously ethical and caring people who you could
trust with your life. I cannot speak for them, but I will tell you that
I spent so much time talking with them about so many related issues,
that I would be profoundly surprised if they weren't all as disgusted by
the treatment you've received as I am. Not that that is any
consolation to you, but I wish you could believe that there are
competent and caring people in that field, although I admit evidence in
your area would not lead to that conclusion.
I don't see what you can do except get out of there. I know it's going to be difficult, with all the idiocy of the related police and town (culvert, etc.) issues, but I think you've been through so much already, and come out of it so much stronger than most people ever become (possibly luckily for them), that you will find a way to do it.
Having to deal with the two crazy men next door sounds incredibly scary, particularly with the police seemingly actively encouraging them. I really don't know how to deal with that, unless you're able to access lawyers, attorney generals (or whatever is the Canadian equivalent), or the media, but if you can manage to keep your head down, avoid those two cretins, and keep from reacting to them, hopefully someone will want to buy your place, and you can get out of there. It's a really beautiful view, I see from one of your emails that someone there really admires your garden, and the house, however damaged, probably still has "good bones", so I can't imagine that you wouldn't be able to sell it, even if you have to do it on your own.
Google "selling your own home" and see that there a many sites/books etc. giving information about selling your own home. I would be careful about using a local real estate person, given how prejudiced many of the people in town seem to be about you, and if one of them says they will help you without commission MAKE SURE TO GET THAT IN WRITING, and send it to me before you sign it if you don't have a lawyer to look at it. I've done a lot of work dealing with legal verbiage, and at least I could offer you another perspective.
I know this is tough, Charmaine, and it must be unsettling for you to think of leaving the only "home" you've ever known to strike out into the unknown. Many, if not most people, would not be strong enough to do that, but I know you can do it. PLEASE don't allow the uncertain part of yourself to sabotage your plans by giving in to the great temptation to say or do something to those zombies next door that would give them any ammunition with which to create trouble. Yes, I know they can just make stuff up, but you know they can do a much better job if they can just trick you into saying or doing the most innocuous thing that they can use. I can't imagine how hard it is, really, but I know you have to do it and I know you can do it. Just don't think you can go on doing it forever. Everyone makes mistakes when they're not focused and you can't possibly be focused all the time forever. Get out of there as soon as you can, before something else happens
to complicate things.
At least the weather's improving, and I hope you're having some beautiful late Spring days and that summer will be a lovely and non-smokey one. I wish you much, much luck, and hope things will start looking up soon. I'm sure they will - you have a lot of energy, can be positive when you need to be, and seem to be getting better at ignoring the loons next door. Keep it up!
Love, M*
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